Our dog Hoot has needed an e-collar (those lampshade things) for a while now. Like me, he has a problem with gnawing on his fingernails. Or claws. You know what I mean. We take it off, and he goes back to the chewing. The vet isn’t sure what’s going on, but none of the drugs are as effective as not letting him get to his feet.
Hoot also has a fascination with eating dirt, or at least smearing it all over his lampshade. Then he comes inside and bumps into stuff, leaving black marks on walls, furniture, and the fiancee. This drives her insane, because she feels I’m not checking the ridge of the e-collar for mud. I wipe the collar off with a paper towel, but the dog is very tricky and (probably) hides mud under his toungue until he gets past me. Then he spits it onto the collar and smears it everywhere.
It isn’t out of the question that Hoot would be this clever. Our other dogs are actually able to hold grass and mud in between their toes and sneak it into the house. I’ve seen it happen, even after I carefully clean their paws.
However much I try to convince Mags of this, she just says I’m being inattentive to details. That isn’t true though. I seldom forget a dog when I let them go outside to pee. Maybe it helps that they bark at the neighbors, but I still get them back inside. I tell her that should count for something. She disagrees. She thinks that if you sometimes forget that a dog is afraid of thunder and you leave him outside during a storm, somehow this proves that you will forget to make sure a child is wearing shoes before you send them to school.
Since I’ve only ever watched nieces and nephews, I think it’s way too early to be assuming that level of dereliction from me. Give me a chance to prove my neglect!
I promise I won’t disappoint.
